Smarter Than They Look

You know how we like to complain on this blog.

But waitaminute!

The Beekeeper

How easy to complain about this 2024 Jason Statham picture, where the Statham character morphs from Chance the Gardener into John Wick, due to outrage at the cause of his landlady's suicide. Incompetent dreck. The only one with talent in the production is Statham, as usual.

But waitaminute!

The movie is actually a satire of Hunter Biden!

A quick check reveals that Variety had the same idea. But when it inquired, the producers denied the obvious parallels between the president's wayward son and the smarmy villain depicted in the movie.

Of course they have to deny, but no one can reasonably claim that someone didn't see or comment on the resemblance during all the time spent making this picture. So, kudos to them for adding that little dash of flavor.

General Morons and the Celestiq

The most generally moronic morons on the planet, at GM, have a striking "tell." And that is, you never see a Cadillac SUV or car on the road in Latin America. In fact the only place where you do seem to see quite a few domestic marques is Mexico with Dodges (since, of course, they make them there, though they're mainly models not seen in the U.S. and Canada).

Now, what would be one of my biggest worries as CEO? Why is there no presence of my vehicles in those countries, when BMWs, Mercs, Audis are not quite as plentiful as tortillas, but are not rarities by any means? Wouldn't that be an "executive" sort of thought, to put a team of managers to work on developing your company's presence in any shadow lands? What a test of their mettle, and a learning experience for them.

The CEO of General Morons, Mary Barra, is an emBARRAssment. Doubtless put in that position for diversity doggy points, not ability, she seems woefully incompetent. But who cares when you live off the taxpayers' dime? Case in point: the latest crap they're trying to peddle, the Cadillac Celestiq. Okay, here's the report of how this thing got the go-ahead. When the execs were discussing it, Barra asked the room, "Well, does anyone have any better idea?"

Ah, Mary, the penalty of leadership...

For those who aren't familiar with the beast (the Celestiq, not Barra), we've covered it in the article, The Automotive Industry. It is a frivolous endeavor, and how many times does Cadillackluster have to be told: try and fail to reproduce the Mercedes S-class first, before trying and failing with an even loftier goal.

GM is not really a car company, is it? A previous CEO, Thomas Murphy, another worthless moron, told us all that "GM is not in the business of making cars, it is in the business of making money," which explains its precipitous downfall.

But waitaminute!

What's striking about the Celestiq, is there's no way to make any money on this project. Suppose a customized one of these barges sells for half a mil., average, $160k more than the base price. They're planning on selling up to 150 per year, so they still only would gross a lousy 75 million dollars per annum. But GM is a mass-marketer. It makes its money by running assembly lines that pump out the product at such a rate that the cost of production per unit plunges. And $75 mil. less expenses pays for bugger all at a big corporation like GM. It hardly pays for Barra's hairdresser and Long Island ice teas.

So it is painfully obvious. They aren't really going to be selling these crap-piles at all! It's all a publicity stunt. In which case, the uglier it is, the better — and in which case, they've got a winner!

They can and will simply lie about the thing, and say what they're already saying, like, it's "sold out until 2026" (chuckle). Even if it were, that's only a meager 300 or so cars!

GM Authority, quoting Cadillac Celestiq Chief Engineer Tony Roma in a recent interview on Autoline After Hours sez,

According to Roma, this means that Cadillac has quite a few interested customers, including Lenny Kravitz, looking to get their hands on the bespoke luxury vehicle, so many that orders are theoretically filled for a year and a half. This is interesting news, as the Celestiq carries a substantial starting MSRP north of $300,000...

Oh, for bugger's sake. GM is paying Kravitz! It has been for years now. You might excuse Tony Roma the ribs guy for not knowing this. But Tony Roma the chief of engineering for this monstrosity?

300 miles of range is estimated for the car, so ~120 in winter. The first mogul that froze his tootsies when the batteries inconveniently went dry in an inopportune spot would spell doom for this fiasco in the making.

Oh, they'll produce a few, to trumpet a big, "Mission Accomplished!" but they aren't actually going to sell these to real people, just toadies, their own staff, a few celebrities in Cali. They can't produce such a thing for general release, and this is the point to understand, because it will be plagued with the usual GM failures, and they don't want to look like fools when their "halo" vehicle inevitably becomes a laughing-stock. Nor do they want billionaires getting mad at them. As a publicity stunt, though, they can pull it off, since they only plan to trickle those few out annually (down from 500), proving it won't actually be a real car! A costly boondoggle with no chance of a solid return on investment (unless they're mad enough to try to squeeze every customer for, like, a million+ a pop with their "customization program").

Let us remind you, dear reader, of how the 1989 Chrysler TC by Maserati was received: with a collective fart from the public. One reason was the styling mimicked the styling of the much cheaper LeBaron. (The TC was supposed to arrive earlier, but was delayed.) And now, arrives the much, much cheaper Cadillac Lyric which has very similar styling to the Celestiq! How is this going to be squared when the fingers start pointing? They simply cannot and will not be able to sell these white elephants. With its tacked-on hunchback looks, calling it butt-ugly is an insult to butts world-wide.

Looks like anyone who pays attention to this is being played with this ruse. It is a good ruse, a very clever means of drawing attention. "Yoo-hoo! Look over here, everyone! Yoo-hoo! We're doing a car that's as costly as a Rolls-Royce! Look at us, we must be special!"


Return of the Jedi was supposedly first titled, Revenge of the Jedi, and there are rare posters that were bungled, printed with "Revenge," instead of "Return." They sell for big bucks now.

But waitaminute!

This can be deliberate, to exploit the gullible "collectors." In fact, Revenge posters would be a great idea to print "accidentally," when you already knew you had a successful franchise... Hullo! Well, Lucas sure went all out to exploit everything else he could, like toys, capitalizing on the new characters created in that film.

Stamps, comics, movie posters and other collectibles are ripe areas for exploitation.

"Mistakes" in the process of making these things are more than a little suspicious, since all you would normally do with inevitable mistakes is destroy them.

Print up a few upside-down stamps, or bugger the color up, "accidentally." Double stamp a few coins at the mint, or strike some with heads both obverse and reverse, "accidentally." Hullo! And then stealthily release them into the public a while later. The gullible saps will be leading with their wallets every time.


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